Wind keeps sailboats moving in the direction determined by the stern or the bow or the skipper. I know nothing about sailing, so I just picked these words since they are sailing words.
I do know that the wind is necessary and crucial for sailing.
I have lost the wind.
I can’t find it in the morning. I can’t find it in the evening.
It is as if it was never here and it is never coming back. I know it will, in my wise mind I know, but in the moments of waiting, it doesn’t feel like it. I stare at the leaves waiting for a brush of wind, for a tiny little blow and nothing happens. There is no movement and the boat sits. The water is becoming stagnant and the view monotonous. I ask God, “Am I supposed to move the sails? Am I supposed to do something different? Or am I to rest and wait? Whose move is it to make the change, to stir up the wind?” There is no answer.
Do you ever feel like this? This losing-of-wind-in-your-sails feeling?
This is how I am these days. It has kept me from doing the things I love like writing, kept me from the deep laughter and soul filling fun, this season of “something”.
I am not sure what to call it except a season of no wind.
Sometimes people can be uncomfortable with my uncomfortable. Because my former uncomfortable led me to a very dark and scary place. Please hear me and know that this is not what I am talking about. My season without wind is not my normal me, but I trust that there is learning here and I am not running from it.
Are you in this season too? If so, it is important to know that what formerly might have worked, might no longer be of use.
So find what works.
For me, I have found a few key comforts in this awkward space. Maybe they will help you too?
- Prayer – I have been having a hard time with prayer, so instead I have been repeating the Lord’s Prayer over and over. When I find my anxiety and worries flooding me, I quietly whisper it. The repetitive nature and not having to think of words to pray is soothing.
- Music – I am also finding music to be the balm to my ache. Listening to some of my favorite artists like JJ Heller or Sara Groves, helps put words to what I can’t seem to express.
- Rest – Without the wind moving me I am finding that instead of making life happen and trying so frantically to make the sails move, I rest. Allowing the time to rest is so helpful for resetting the mind.
So if you have lost the wind in your sails too, try some new soothing things and trust it is ok.
Just let it be what it is.
Find what soothes you, be gentle with yourself, and trust in the season and eventually the wind will rise up again. It always does.